Hey hey, Capetonians.
If this city were a person, it’d be the one who shows up to a braai with a bottle of Pinotage in one hand, a protest sign in the other, and a "sorry, the WiFi’s load-shedding" tee.
This week, we’ve got digital nomads gentrifying the CBD (again), Amazon teaching kids to code (because the schools won’t), and a marathon so scenic it’ll make you almost consider running.
But first, a quick poll:
Would you rather:
(Trick question—both are equally unhinged.) Let’s dive in. 👇
🗞️ The Headlines
🏃 Two Oceans Marathon: More Tourists Than Locals
The Two Oceans Marathon isn’t just a race—it’s a "how many countries can we fit on one route?" experiment.
This year’s edition:
98 countries represented (including Mauritania, because nothing says "bucket list" like running 56km in Cape Town’s autumn "breeze").
4,500 international runners—Namibia and Zimbabwe brought the squad (839 and 798 runners, respectively). The UK? A modest 337. Colonialism reversed, folks.
Economic boost: 4,000 temp jobs created. Also, every B&B from Hout Bay to Kalk Bay is booked solid. RIP your aunt’s annual "weekend away."
Vibe check: If you’re not running, avoid the CBD unless you enjoy dodging Lycra-clad tourists yelling "WHERE’S TABLE MOUNTAIN?!" (Ma’am, it’s behind you.)
☀️ PSA: It’s gonna be HOT HOT HOT.
Disaster Risk Management says: hydrate, stay cool, and don’t be the headline. Runners especially — we need you crossing the finish line, not seeing stars.
🏠 Locals to Digital Nomads: "Pay Up or Voetsek"
Cape Town’s 3,000-petition-strong revolt against digital nomads is peak 2025:
Rent hikes: Nomads paying R25k–R30k for 1-bedders (median local salary: R5,500).
Airbnb apocalypse: 25,800 short-term rentals—more than Berlin.
Bo-Kaap in shambles: Candy-coloured houses now "investment opportunities" for foreigners.
Proposed solution: A "tourist tax" because, as one TikToker put it: "Why must I pay the same as someone paid in euros?!"
City’s response: "We’ll reclassify Airbnbs as commercial properties!" (Translation: "We’ll tax them, but gently, because tourism pays our bills.")
🐾 USAid Cuts Vet Funding: SA’s Animals in Crisis
America pulled funding for SA’s veterinary programs, and now we’re one bird flu outbreak away from chaos:
Vet shortage: 100+ vets emigrate yearly. "Why stay when the UK pays double?"
Student debt: New vets owe R3m—starting salary: R30k. Cool, cool.
Zoonotic threat: "Avian flu could jump to humans tomorrow." But sure, let’s defund surveillance.
TL;DR: If your dog gets sick, pray it’s after your vet’s UK visa expires.
💻 Amazon Opens STEM Hub: "Because Our Schools Won’t"
Amazon dropped its first African Think Big Space in Cape Town.
The deets:
Training 100 teachers to reach 10,000 kids in townships/rural areas.
Focus: low-tech coding (read: no load-shedding excuses).
Zero cost to schools—funded by Amazon’s "we’ll fix it, gov" budget.
Teacher quote: "The chatbot taught me more in 10 minutes than my B.Ed did in 4 years."
Catch: Kids will now associate "Amazon" with education, not "why is Mom Prime-ing another air fryer?"
💎 Hidden Gems & Local Legends
🍷 Reverie Social Table: Dinner Party on Steroids
Forget restaurants—Reverie is a 18-seater communal table where:
Chef Julia Hattingh makes you switch seats mid-meal (forced bonding!).
5 courses + unlimited wine for R1,480. Yes, you’ll need Uber.
Vibe: "My rich aunt’s kitchen, if she foraged your salad off Table Mountain."
Booking tip: Do it now. Like, right now.
🏆 Eat Out Awards 2025: Who Won Cape Town’s Food Wars?
The culinary Oscars dropped, and the winners are:
🥇 Salsify at the Roundhouse (Camps Bay): "Fynbos-infused venison" and ocean views. R2,200 tasting menu—sell a kidney.
🥈 FYN (City Bowl): Japanese-Karoo fusion. R1,950 to eat in silent awe.
🥉 Reverie (Obs): "Unlimited wine" is all you need to know.
Honorable mention: Ouzeri for Greek feasts that’ll make you yell "OPA!" unironically.
🌅 Views That Don’t Suck
Skip Lion’s Head. Try these instead:
Leopard Bar (12 Apostles): Sunset cocktails with zero hiking. R105 for a G&T + existential thoughts.
Bossa (Woodbridge Island): Table Mountain views without the tourists. R85 for a beer and bragging rights.
Beau Constantia: Wine tasting where even the bathroom has a view. R160 to feel bougie.
🎧 Live Music & Entertainment
Friday, April 4
🎧 Dash Berlin (Exclusive Classics Set) At Roxy Woodstock
Iconic trance returns with an exclusive classics set from Dash Berlin. One for the dancefloor die-hards.
🪩 Groova Groove At Defected Studio
A night of rhythm and deep grooves, set in an underground spot where the lights are low and the energy is high.
🌟 Grace & Glory CPT At Missio Dei
A soul-filled evening of gospel, worship, and community energy. Expect passion, harmonies, and a joyful crowd.
Saturday, April 5
⚪ PHATT SUMMER GROOVE – All White Affair At Oude Molen Eco Village
All-white fits meet amapiano heat. Music, dancing, and laid-back luxury under Cape Town’s autumn sun.
🏭 Fantasia – Warehouse Rave At 3 Industry St
House, techno, and strobe-lit moments in a raw industrial space. For the late-night tribe who live for deep cuts.
🎙️ Saved By Grace – Album Launch At Petra Life Centre
An emotional gospel journey through song. Come celebrate faith, sound, and the beauty of local artistry.
Sunday, April 6
🎸 SUGARMAN UNPLUGGED At Kalk Bay Theatre (Brass Bell)
A warm, unplugged tribute to Rodriguez by the sea. Live storytelling, nostalgia, and acoustic vibes.
🧵 Fabric Swap At Create. Hobby Studio
A cozy crafting circle meets sustainable fashion. Swap fabric, connect with creatives, and find inspiration.
🪘 Sol Damba Live at Ganesh At Ganesh Observatory
A rhythmic journey of Afro-fusion under Cape Town stars. For the ears, the soul, and the dance floor.
Monday, April 7
🥁 Morrison's Academy Pipe Band At Wynberg Boys' High School
Catch the award-winning Scottish pipe band as they bring the thunder of the Highlands to Cape Town. Kilts, drums, and bagpipes? Say less.
🥚 Easter Egg Decorating at Playalot At Playalot Durbanville
Egg-cellent fun for all ages with paints, glitter, and Easter vibes. Craft your masterpiece and make memories.
🧠 Darwin – A Curious Mind (Live Show) At The Galloway Theatre
A quirky, clever performance diving into Darwin’s mind. Expect theatre, science, and plenty of charm.
Tuesday, April 8
🛳️ SAS Assegaai Submarine Museum Tour At Simon’s Town Naval Dockyard
Take a rare step aboard a real South African Navy submarine and learn what life under the sea is really like.
📷 Unlock Your Photography Business Potential At The Terrace Rooftop, Salt River
A power session for aspiring photographers ready to turn passion into profit. Includes strategy, branding tips, and Q&A.
🎼 Cape Town Woodwind Festival – Opening Concert At Baxter Concert Hall, Rondebosch
A celebration of wind instruments featuring top local talent in an elegant concert setting.
Wednesday, April 9
🎪 The Greatest Show & The Circus of Wonders At Hout Bay International School
A live circus-inspired performance full of wonder, tricks, and theatrical flair. Perfect for the whole fam.
🎥 Fire Pilots – Movie Screening At The Labia Theatre
Catch this gripping local film on the big screen at Cape Town’s most iconic cinema.
🎭 My Children! My Africa! (Athol Fugard Play) At Artscape Theatre
A powerful production of Fugard’s moving play about youth, education, and resistance in apartheid-era SA.
Thursday, April 10
🕊️ Kingdom Culture with Ben Armstrong At Everyday Community
A heart-centered night of worship, wisdom, and purpose with special guest Ben Armstrong.
🪑 VISI x Marble: Décor Morning At Marble Restaurant
Design-forward breakfast with Cape Town creatives. Inspiration, pastries, and beautiful interiors.
🎼 FOM CPO Autumn Concert At Cape Town City Hall
An evening with Cape Town Philharmonic Orchestra. Strings, brass, and pure musical excellence.
📸 Picture of the Week
This striking photo of a Smooth Blood Lily blooming through the ash on Table Mountain is giving post-apocalyptic optimism. 🌺🔥
Life finds a way.
Got a pic that captures Cape Town’s wild spirit?
Tag it on Instagram with #CPTBrew for a chance to be featured in next week’s edition.
That’s it, brew! Whether you’re dodging marathoners, side-eyeing nomads, or wine-drunk at Beau Constantia, remember: Cape Town is the city that keeps you equal parts inspired and irritated.
Got a tip? A rant? A vet willing to work for exposure? Hit reply.
Until next time, stay salty, stay caffeinated, and stop feeding the seagulls at the V&A.
~ CPT Brew
P.S. Forward this to a friend. If they book Reverie, you better get a plus-one.
