Hey Brew,
If this city were a Netflix show, we’d be the chaotic Season 3 where the plot twists include:
A 300-year-old Bo-Kaap well that’s cooler than most new bars
Scientists bringing back wolves like it's a Netflix reboot
(don’t feed them your Yorkie)And someone thinks adding Formula 1 to the CBD is a great idea… because traffic clearly wasn’t chaotic enough
Buckle up—this week’s episode is wild.
But first—let’s settle a debate:
Which headline hits hardest this week?
🏺 Bo-Kaap’s 150-Year-Old Well: “Turns Out Our Ancestors Were Hydro Homies”
Move over, artisanal coffee—ancient groundwater is Bo-Kaap’s new flex. The stone well, uncovered during market upgrades, dates back to 1707 (when the biggest Cape Town drama was probably ”Who stole Jan van Riebeeck’s last carrot?”).
✔️ Why It Matters: This isn’t just a hole—it’s a relic of Schotsekloof Farm, a.k.a. pre-gentrification Bo-Kaap. Locals want it preserved and tested for drinkability. (Spoiler: If it’s better than Joburg tap water, we riot.)
✔️ City’s Genius Plan: A 5-meter “buffer zone” (read: ”Don’t touch, but also… keep building?”) and public participation—because nothing says ”democracy” like debating a well’s vibe.
✔️ Best Quote: Activist Jacky Poking: ”Hide it behind toilets? Voetsek. Make it the market’s centerpiece.”
🐺 Colossal Biosciences Resurrects Dire Wolves: “Jurassic Park, But Fluffier”
Scientists: ”Let’s clone an extinct apex predator.” Also Scientists: ”What could go wrong?”
The Pups: Romulus & Remus (and baby sis Khaleesi) are 80lb, 4ft-long fluffballs with the social skills of a Cape Town winter (aloof, unpredictable).
Science Flex: Edited 14 genes in gray wolves to ”Ctrl+Z” extinction—resulting in bigger jaws, snow-white coats, and howls that haven’t been heard since mammoths were a thing.
Catch: They’ll live in a luxe 2,000-acre preserve (not your backyard, sorry). Meanwhile, Colossal’s next project: woolly mammoths by 2028.
Local Dilemma: Do we really want wolves that could bench-press a Labrador?
🏎️ Cape Town F1 Bid: “Because Traffic Wasn’t Chaotic Enough”
The latest street circuit proposal is basically ”Fast & Furious: Green Point Drift.”
Route: 5.7km around the waterfront, avoiding the stadium (”We learned from Durban’s pothole fiasco”).
Vibe: 250,000 spectators, DHL Stadium as the paddock (”World Cup leftovers, activate!”), and zero plans for where to park.
Local Fear: This’ll either be Cape Town’s Monaco moment or a 56km traffic jam disguised as “entertainment.”
Unanswered Question: Will minibus taxis get lap times?
🚲 E-Bikers Reclassified as Motorists: “Congrats, You’re a Scooter Now”
New law = if your e-bike hits 45km/h, you’re no longer a cyclist—you’re a motorist. Cue existential crises across Cape Town:
New Requirements: License, registration, and the eternal shame of being lumped with scooter bros.
City’s Logic: ”Safety!” (Also, ”Chaotic sidewalk riders, we see you.”)
Reality: Half the e-bikes in SA already hit 50km/h. Oops.
Pro Tip: Start saving for that K53 test—or just walk.
💎 Hidden Gems & Local Legends
🍫 3 Dessert Spots to Eat Your Feelings
Because someone just taxed your e-bike. Our picks:
Unframed Ice Cream (Gardens): Vegan chocolate that’ll make you question all your life choices.
Jason Bakery (Green Point): Croissant-doughnut hybrids (legal crack).
Honest Chocolate (CBD): Bunny chow, but make it chocolate. (Revolutionary.)
🍽️ Restaurant Awards 2025: Cape Town Takes a Bow (Again)
Move over, Michelin—Cape Town’s culinary scene just flexed hard at the South Africa Restaurant Awards, where:
The Address snatched Best Restaurant/Nightclub—because nothing says "fine dining" like a venue that moonlights as a dancefloor after the third bottle of MCC. (Rumor: Their secret ingredient is truffle oil and bad decisions.)
Best Cooking Show ended in a historic tie:
MasterChef SA (SABC 3): Still convincing us that ”plating foam on a rock” is a career path.
Expresso Culinary Hotline: The OG show that taught us ”flambé” is just ”arson with approval.”
Vibe Check: The ceremony was ”part Oscars, part food coma”—hosted by Jordan Kensington and Nicole Watson, who probably ate all the nominees’ dishes ”for research.”
Local Takeaway: If your restaurant isn’t on this list, just add ”artisanal” to your menu and try again next year.
🍔 Food Truck Valley Relaunch: Bigger, Better, Bellville
The Mother City’s favorite roving feast is back! After a 6-month hiatus, Food Truck Valley has parked its gourmet convoy at the Bellville Velodrome, promising:
Zero parking nightmares (their words, not ours)
All-weekend feasting (Saturdays, Sundays + school holidays)
100% halaal everything from burgers to freakshakes
The team admits they "missed us as much as we missed them" - translation: they heard our cries for loaded fries and artisanal waffles across the metro.
Vibe check: Still Cape Town's most democratic dining experience - where else can you eat gourmet street food while watching cyclists burn calories you're happily consuming?
🎧 Live Music & Entertainment
Friday, April 11
🎤 Anna Wolf Live – The Dear Daddy Tour: An electric performance from the award-winning alt-pop star. Raw emotion meets acoustic power.
🍾 LA PRAIRIE Brunch at The Silo: Luxury skincare meets bubbly brunch. Enjoy gourmet bites and radiant vibes at Cape Town’s most iconic rooftop.
🧠 Pandora’s Box – Live Show: A captivating one-woman musical journey. Think theatre, storytelling, and original songs with wine pairing optional.
Saturday, April 12
🔪 Woodcarving Workshop: Get hands-on and carve something meaningful. A chill Saturday activity with earthy vibes and artisan tools.
💎 Mosaic Jewellery Class: Create your own wearable mosaic art with glass, tile, and creativity. Great for date days or solo zen.
🎸 Sons of Trout Reunion 2025: A one-night-only jam session from a local rock legend. Prepare for guitar solos and nostalgia.
Sunday, April 13
🎶 Easter Reflection in Song: Tygerberg Children’s Choir + Cape Town Philharmonic Youth Orchestra = goosebumps incoming.
🌭 HOT D.O.G @ TEXAS: Expect Durban heat, comedy acts, and... a hot dog stand. This one’s as weird and wonderful as it sounds.
🎥 Bioskop & Bangaz: Film screenings paired with local DJs. Think popcorn, projectors, and a vibe.
Monday, April 14
🏉 Maties Varsity Cup Bus Trip: Cheer on Maties with your squad—transport and chants included. This is your varsity spirit booster.
📱 Emma Sadlier on Social Media Law: How not to get cancelled: a talk on privacy, online mistakes, and surviving the internet.
Tuesday, April 15
🎭 Fame JR – The Musical: Young talent. Big energy. A feel-good musical that’ll have you humming on the drive home.
🏫 Oakley House Open Evening: Thinking of schools? Tour a future-forward campus and meet the team.
🧓 Dementia Dialogues: Death & Dying: A deep and meaningful workshop on caregiving and dignity at end-of-life stages.
Wednesday, April 16
🌍 Land Rights & Reform Talk: Where activism meets academia. Grab a drink and dive into the future of land ownership.
💸 Finance Masterclass: Designed for SMMEs. Expect real talk on funding, scaling, and surviving the economy.
🎙️ REDD Raconteurs: Flight Mode: Storytelling under the stars. Tales of travel, escapism, and getting lost (on purpose).
Thursday, April 16
🎸 The Narrow – #LastYearOfArmchair: South Africa’s iconic alt-metal band is closing a chapter with a bang. Their final Armchair show promises nostalgia, noise, and neck-breaking anthems. You know you’ll scream along.
🎷 Bheki Khoza Trio: Let the smooth strings of jazz legend Bheki Khoza take you places. This one’s for the soul — warm tones, heartfelt melodies, and proper music lovers.
🍸 Ashe: Cape Town’s nightlife gem brings you Ashe — a stylish Thursday groove set in a moody space. Think velvet sofas, candlelight, and lowkey bangers.
📸 Picture of the Week
This golden-hour snap from Rondebosch Golf Club is giving cinematic serenity. Something about a sunset on the 4th hole that makes you forget rent is due. 🌅⛳
When the only hazard is how soft the grass looks.
Got a pic that captures Cape Town’s wild spirit?
Tag it on Instagram with #CPTBrew for a chance to be featured in next week’s edition.
That’s it, brew! Whether you’re sipping ancient well water, side-eyeing cloned wolves, or sobbing over your e-bike’s new ”motorist” status, remember: Cape Town keeps delivering the drama.
Got a tip? A rant? A spare dire wolf? Hit reply.
Until next time, stay caffeinated, stay chaotic, and stop feeding the seagulls at the V&A.
~ CPT Brew
P.S. Forward this to a friend. If they adopt a dire wolf, you better get visitation rights.
