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Hey {{first_name | Brew}} ,
We’ve sifted through the city’s mess so you don’t have to.
From psychedelic fort raves to jazzed-up breathwork, here’s your scroll-worthy recap of what’s worth knowing (and dodging) this week.
💸 News: Granger Bay goes full Dubai, baboons plot uprising, and someone’s trying to rename the whole damn country.
💎 Hidden Gems: Snowy escapes, Parisian crêpes, lentil burgers, and veggie spots that slap harder than load-shedding at 6PM.
🌬️ What’s Happenin’: Psytrance in a castle, candlelit Vivaldi, pink parties, and weird workshops for every vibe. No guest list. Just show up.
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Let’s dive in:
🗞️ The Headlines
🏗️ GRANGER BAY: R20BN "JEWEL" OR CAPE TOWN’S FUTURE WATERPARK?
Growthpoint’s flexing: 5 hotels, coastal rock pools, and zero f*cks about debt. Why? Their loan-to-value ratio is lower than your post-lockdown serotonin.
Highlights:
440,000m² of "bulk rights" (translation: "We’re building Atlantis 2.0").
"Positive" municipal feedback = "We bribed them with artisanal croissants."
Storm-proof barriers doubling as "public leisure spaces" (aka wave-dodging selfie spots).
Verdict: If they nail this, Camps Bay influencers will literally drown in content.
🚜 MIDLIFE CRISIS 2.0: LAND ROVER EDITION
Gasant Abarder’s 50th birthday gift to himself? A 1986 Land Rover Defender that leaks like Parliament’s integrity. Wife’s verdict: "Abomination." His retort: "But babe, the V8 purrs!"
Why we’re obsessed:
Rust > Gloss: "Water rains into the driver’s side." Romantic.
Husky-approved: His dogs Rocky & Maya now have a "weekend urban cruiser."
Neighbourly love: Plans to pipe a V8 symphony through Sea Point. "Sorry, Karen’s yoga flow!"
🐒 BABOON WARS: CULL VS. CONSERVE SMACKDOWN
Activists vs. bureaucrats. 122 "urbanised" baboons caught in crossfire. Jenni Trethowan’s take: "Killing them? A travesty wrapped in a con." Officials: "But have you tried not raiding bins?"
Key battlegrounds:
Mitigation? "We’ll install fences... someday."
"Euthanasia" = "Pellet guns in polite suits."
Simon’s Town residents: Currently drafting Baboon Tinder profiles.
🏳 AZANIA: SA’S LINGUISTIC GLOW-UP?
ATM’s Vuyo Zungula wants to rebrand SA as "Azania." Critics whisper: “Sounds like a spy thriller sequel.”
Why it’s a ✨moment✨:
Colonial baggage? “Bin it!” (But also… will passports get glitter fonts?)
Citizenship clause: Swapping “everyone” → “citizens.” Tourists: “Do we still get free sunburn?”
Public priority check: “Can the potholes be named Azania too?”
🔌The Plug
Want to shout out your business, share a cool project, promote a gig, or just say hey to 10,000+ locals who actually read their emails?
Vortex Shisha serves up half-price smash burgers on Tuesdays, R5 wings on Sundays and Wednesdays, and 2-for-1 pizzas every Monday. Add in weekly comedy nights, DJs on weekends, and three vibey hangouts (including a Red Room and beer garden), and you’ve got chaos curated, enter the vortex here.
💎 Hidden Gems
❄️ SNOWCIALISTS: WHERE TO CHASE FROZEN MAGIC
Pack thermals, not dignity.
Matroosberg: Private ski slopes + 4x4 snow drifts. Donate old blankets to Touwsrivier Soup Kitchen—win karma points.
Hottentots Holland: Hike icy trails, then thaw at Elgin wine farms. Fun fact: Snow once fell near Sir Lowry’s Pass. Proof Cape Town can shut up about its "winter."
Cederberg: Red rocks + white snow = Instagram’s next meltdown. Bonus: 8,000-year-old San art for culture cred.
🍽️ EAT THIS WEEK: CARBS & CRÊPES
The Lebanese Bakery (East City): Pitas so fluffy, they’ll make you forgive Claremont traffic. Must-order: Cheese-za’atar manakish.
Swan Café (Buitenkant St): Parisian crêpes + lemon-cinnamon sugar = winter hug. Warning: Nutella addiction imminent.
🌱 VEGGIE AF SPOTS (MEAT-FREE, NOT JOY-FREE)
Nourish’d (Gardens): Zero-waste smoothies + lentil-beetroot burgers. Vibe: "Hippie who does spreadsheets."
The Sunshine Food Co (Sea Point): Bunless burgers beside the promenade. Post-meal activity: Judge joggers.
The Conscious Kitchen (Kloof St): Daytime bowls → nighttime cocktails. Ethical? Yes. Boring? Never.
🌬️ What’s Happenin’
Got a poster-worthy event? Click here to feature it with a custom poster.
FRIDAY 4TH JULY
10 Natal Street – Lemontrip: Warehouse Edition
Big beats. Bigger speakers. Industrial vibes and proper bass weight. Starts 8PM
Deliver Us From Evil (Stage Play)
A gripping local theatre show at Awake The Nations — drama, intensity, and goosebumps. Starts 7PM
DNA Cafe – Stand-Up Comedy Open Mic Night
Fresh faces, bold jokes, and who-knows-what punchlines. Starts 6:30PM
SATURDAY 5TH JULY
Castle of Good Hope – Lucid Festival SA ft. Zanon (BRA)
Psytrance under the stars in a 17th-century fortress. Starts 3PM
Lourensford Wine Estate – Vivaldi’s Four Seasons by World Cafe Trio
Live classical strings in a wine cellar with candlelight. Starts 7PM
Botanik Social House – Unofficial Pink Party
A dress-in-pink dance riot. No rules, just vibes. Starts 9PM
SUNDAY 6TH JULY
Observatory Rec Centre – Southern Suburbs Holistic Festival
Crystal healers, sound baths, and enough palo santo to clear your past lives. Starts 10AM
Trenchtown – Paint, Pizza & Puff / Sip
Get creative with a joint in one hand and a slice in the other. Starts 2PM
KAYA Café – “we’re alright” Single Launch
An intimate indie drop wrapped in acoustic vibes and good coffee. Starts 6PM
MONDAY 7TH JULY
El Shaddai Church – D4J Holiday Club 2025
Kids. Chaos. Crafts. And a whole lot of Jesus. Starts 8:30AM
Rocklands Health – Journey into Breath
Breathwork + sound bath = cry, heal, vibe, repeat. Starts 7PM
Food Jams – COMBO Ticket Family Deal
Get 20% off for bringing the whole squad to make food and mild chaos. All day
TUESDAY 8TH JULY
Board Game Night @ Hickory Shack
Roll the dice. Make a friend. Possibly lose both. Starts 7PM
Spice and Soul Cooking Experience
Unleash your inner MasterChef in a vibey group kitchen. Starts 6PM
Dating Workshop @ 22Fifty
Learn to flirt without trauma-dumping in the first 5 mins. Starts 6:30PM
WEDNESDAY 9TH JULY
Dan Corder: Wouldn’t You Like To Know
Live comedy from one of SA’s funniest minds. Starts 7PM
Watercolour Workshop with Harvest Moon
Paint, sip, and pretend you’re not stressed. Starts 6PM
Viva Vino Wine Bar Takeover
Catch 22 gets wavy with vino and vibey pours. Starts 6PM
THURSDAY 10TH JULY
LUMANYANO MZI Album Launch
Drummer. Producer. Jazz god. Catch him live at Youngblood. Starts 6PM
Sip, Paint & Dine
Brush in one hand, vino in the other. Pick La Parada or Tiger’s Milk — both start 6:30PM
The WhatsApp Effect: Startup Talk @ Innovation City
Come for the business inspo, stay for the DMs. Starts 1PM
🖼️ Pic of the Week
“The Lone Swimmer” — Sea Point Pavilion
That eerie beauty of Cape Town’s winter: cold, empty, and just a bit cinematic. One brave soul slicing through 11°C water while the sea threatens to jump the wall.
Local takes:
“Water said no thanks to anyone else.”
“Cape Town’s version of Wim Hof training.”
Got a shot worth sharing?
Hit reply and show us what your lens sees out there.
Alright Brew that’s your CPT download.
If you made it this far, congrats. You’re now 87% more informed (and 40% more chaotic) than the average Sea Point jogger.
Got an event? A poster? A pic of your cat dodging a wave at Muizenberg?
Hit reply and throw it our way—we feature cool things often, and weird things even more often.
Until next week.
~ The CPT Brew Team ☕
