Hey {{first_name | Brew}} ,
Cape Town’s other Ritz just got a R300m foreign suitor (spoiler: not European). Meanwhile, a billionaire’s daughter declared SA "third world" from London—while actual third-wave floods turned our streets into Venetian canals. Oh, and a baboon dodged traffic like a Tokai Uber driver.
Here’s the drama:
💸 News: Ritz decay, heiress drama, Cape Town floods, and a rogue baboon on the M5.
💎 Hidden Gems: Truffle lattes, coastal brunches, and work spots with actual plugs.
🌬️ What’s Happenin’: Bryan Adams tributes, art workshops, and jazzed-up beach cleanups. Here’s what’s on this week, no RSVP required.
Let’s dive in:
🗞️ The Headlines
🏚️ THE RITZ: SEA POINT’S GHOST WITH A R300M PRICE TAG
No water. No power. Just 23 floors of decay and the best views money almost bought.
A hijacker’s paradise now has foreign hoteliers drooling. Bruce Hendricks (the guy who evicted alleged prostitutes) says the deal’s “80% done.”
Highlights:
Mandela’s crumpled quote: “I walked to freedom…” (then took the lift?)
An 88-year-old climbing stairs daily for her condemned room. Iconic.
The revolving restaurant: Where dreams go to die—with 360° sea views.
Verdict: Bring a headlamp, deep pockets, and zero fear of pigeons.
💸 CAPE TOWN HEIRESS: “WHY WORK?” VIRAL SHADE THROWN
Tiktok clip: 1.7M views. Local outrage: Priceless.
Her resume? “Daughter.” Her goal? “Marry a billionaire.” Her take on SA? “Third-world, lol.” Cue Capetonians: “She must be from Sandton.”
Why we’re cringing:
Privilege so thick, you could spread it on a Gatsby.
London’s first-world problem: Her future hubby’s prenup lawyer.
🌊 FLOODPOCALYPSE: CAPE TOWN’S NEW AQUATIC ATTRACTION
Streets = rivers. Cars = submarines. Waves = “Yellow Level 4 Drama.”
Councillor Quintas’ tip: “Wait an hour before reporting floods.” Translation: “Grab popcorn, watch kayakers.”
MasterDrive’s survival guide:
Water above your tyres? Abandon ship.
Fast-flowing currents? Not your chance to reenact Titanic.
Peri-peri safety tip: Eat a Gatsby on higher ground.
🐒 BABOON VS. M5: URBAN JUNGLE ROYALE
Claremont’s teen baboon pulled a free solo across highways before SPCA’s dart diplomacy.
Why’d he leave Tokai? “Dispersal is normal for males” (aka baboon Tinder). The rescue squad: Cape Baboon Partnership + SPCA + wildlife vet. Tagline: “We stay ’til they’re ok.”
Post-credit scene: Hair-loss mystery in baboon troops. Winter’s coming.
🔌The Plug
Want to shout out your business, share a cool project, promote a gig, or just say hey to 10,000+ locals who actually read their emails?
Vortex Shisha serves up half-price smash burgers on Tuesdays, R5 wings on Sundays and Wednesdays, and 2-for-1 pizzas every Monday. Add in weekly comedy nights, DJs on weekends, and three vibey hangouts (including a Red Room and beer garden), and you’ve got chaos curated, enter the vortex here.
💎 Hidden Gems
☕ ROAST OF THE WEEK
Where baristas are wizards and flat whites come with side-eye. 🧙♂️
Honest Chocolate: Cocoa monks making bean-to-bar dark magic. Pair truffles with oat-milk lattes. Vibe: “Hobbit hole with WiFi.”
Coco Safar: Sea Point’s Versailles. Sip bespoke brews beside bobotie croissants. Warning: Wallet-emptying opulence.
Jason Bakery: Where sourdough saints bless your doughssant. Grab coffee, sprint to the promenade—before carbs hit.
🥞 BRUNCH SPOTS: CARBS & CONFESSIONS
Dixies (Glencairn): Buttermilk flapjacks + False Bay views = cyclists’ reward. Carnivore’s Choice: For when bacon isn’t enough.
Kleinsky’s (Sea Point): NY bagels so good, they’ll make you forget the heiress. Try: Mushroom latkes. Regret: Nothing.
💻 REMOTE WORK: WI-FI & WIT
Workshop17 (Kloof St): Mountain views + hot desks. Pro tip: Pretend your spreadsheet is “art.”
Roamwork (East City): Industrial chic + gallery vibes. After work: Bar-hop ’til your Zoom glows.
🌬️ What’s Happenin’
Got a poster-worthy event? Hit us up we’ll feature it here with a poster.
FRIDAY 27TH JUNE
Suikerbossie Estate, Hout Bay – Summer of ’69 Tribute Show
A full-band tribute to Bryan Adams in one of Cape Town’s most scenic venues. Starts 6PM
The Outlore Base, Woodstock – UNHINGED: The Friend Zone
A raw and ridiculous comedy show about love, rejection, and that dreaded “let’s just be friends” line. Starts 8PM
Urban Brewing Co, Hout Bay – Funk Effect Vol. 2
Live funk, cold craft brews, and dancefloor freedom. Starts 7PM
SATURDAY 28TH JUNE
DHL Stadium – Barbarians vs South Africa
It’s not just a friendly — it’s a grudge match in disguise. Legends collide at 5:10PM
GrandWest Grand Arena – Shakatak LIVE
The UK jazz-funk icons hit Cape Town for one night only. Starts 8PM
Leonardo Park – The Awakening Winterfest – All White Party
Dress in white, party ‘til late, and kick winter’s ass in style. Starts 5PM
SUNDAY 29TH JUNE
Muratie Wine Estate, Stellenbosch – Mid-Year Trail Run
Scenic vineyard trails, mountain views, and post-run wine (obviously). Starts 8:45AM
Brass Bell, Kalk Bay – Lee Cole Live
One of SA’s rising pop-rock stars performs seaside with crashing waves in the background. Starts 4PM
Yesca’s Teahouse, Hout Bay – Kintsugi with Liz
A slow, mindful art session where you break things on purpose and make them beautiful again. Starts 9:30AM
MONDAY 30TH JUNE
Sandi’s Bistro, Cape Town – My Story With The Blues
An intimate evening of live music, storytelling, and soulful blues. Starts 6:30PM
Goldfish Café, Muizenberg – Art Journaling Workshop
Sketch, collage, and spill your thoughts on paper. No experience needed. Starts 5:30PM
Soute Studio, Woodstock – The Art of Graffiti Jamming: Teens Culinary Cook-Off
Graffiti meets gourmet in a bold cook-off where teens rule the kitchen. Starts 10AM
TUESDAY 1ST JULY
Tygerberg Nature Reserve – Guided Nature Walk with Keith Roxburgh
A quiet morning exploring local flora and fauna with one of Cape Town’s most knowledgeable guides. Starts 9AM
Artscape Theatre Arena – Back 2 Back
A one-night-only stage production celebrating musical duos and timeless pairings. Starts 7PM
Mojo Market, Sea Point – Mojo Jazzy Tuesdays
Smooth tunes, street food, and sunset views. Starts 8PM
WEDNESDAY 2ND JULY
Goldfish Café, Muizenberg – Watercolour Workshop: Floral Cacti
Paint your own prickly masterpiece while sipping something warm. Starts 9:30AM
Noordhoek Farm Village – Akkedis presents Neil Young's 'Harvest'
A tribute to one of rock’s most iconic albums, performed in a farm-style setting. Starts 6PM
Social Select, Cape Town – Social Comedy Night
A casual midweek laugh-fest with fresh local comics and a laid-back crowd. Starts 6:30PM
THURSDAY 3RD JULY
The Restaurant @ Root44, Stellenbosch – Tim Atkin Exclusive Tasting
A rare chance to sip top-tier wines with the legendary critic himself. Starts 6:30PM
Room 91, Cape Town – Art in Jazz 2.0: Jazz According to the Feminine
An immersive jazz-meets-art experience exploring feminine energy in sound. Starts 6PM
Mariner's Wharf, Hout Bay – Coast 2 Coast Beach Cleanup
Feel-good coastal cleanup at 10AM — do good, then grab fish and chips after.
🖼️ Pic of the Week
“City Glow” — shot from Cape Town CBD
That split-second when the city lights up just as the sun dips behind the mountains. Streets humming, sky on fire, and a tiny crescent moon playing backup
🗣️ Local takes:
“Looks like the city just lit a scented candle.”
“This is why you leave work late on purpose.”
“Cape Town’s version of golden hour? More like god-tier hour.”
📷 Got a pic worth sharing?
Just reply to this email and show us your lens game.
Alright Brew,
That’s your Ritz real estate gossip, flood survival hacks, and baboon GPS fails. Shoutout to the SPCA—baboon whisperers by day, hair-loss detectives by night.
Spotted a gem? Reply with deets. We pay in hypothetical property shares of The Ritz.
~ The CPT Brew Team ☕
