Hey {{first_name | Brew}},
Cape Town’s week came in swinging: four madlads are about to row 4,800km across the Atlantic, Woolies sparked outrage selling mangoes at R80 a pop, the EFF wants to rename Kruger National Park, and a KPMG intern accidentally announced the Rapture via company email.
Here’s the lineup:
🗞️ The Headlines – Atlantic rowers, Kruger renaming drama, Woolies’ luxury mangoes, and KPMG’s viral “Rapture” email
💎 Hidden Gems – Tokyo-style konbini pop-up, secret brunch spots, and dessert dens for your sugar fix
🌬️ What’s Happenin’ – Sept 26–Oct 2: Rooftop jazz, TEDxUCT, Misty Cliffs blues, and an Anjuna takeover at HALO
🤔 Topic of the Week – Where can I swim without getting eaten? Shark stats, tidal pools, and why cows are technically scarier than great whites
Here’s what had us buzzing this week 👇
🗞️ The Headlines
🚣 OCEAN MAVERICKS TAKE ON WORLD’S TOUGHEST ROW
Four South African madlads are prepping to row 4,800km across the Atlantic. For fun. Because apparently running the Comrades and climbing Kilimanjaro was just a light warm-up.
Why this is gloriously unhinged:
They’ll be at sea for 30-50 days, rowing two hours on, two hours off. My back hurts just thinking about it.
Their boat, the Shayamanzi, will be their home. It has a cabin "barely big enough to sit upright." So, luxury.
They’ll face 8-meter swells, tropical storms, and ration freeze-dried food. This makes my lockdown sourdough phase look pathetic.
They’re doing it to raise funds for Wild Coast conservation. Heroes, honestly.
🦁 PROPOSAL TO RENAME KRUGER NATIONAL PARK
The Mpumalanga EFF has stirred the pot, proposing to rename Kruger National Park to Skukuza National Park. Cue the social media firestorm.
Why this is a classic SA debate:
The argument: Paul Kruger’s colonial legacy vs. the park’s iconic, tourist-attracting brand.
Tourism experts are sweating. Changing a name known worldwide? That’s a risky game of brand Jenga.
Oh, and the Agriculture Minister quickly pointed out provinces can’t actually rename national parks. So this might be the ultimate political mic drop with no sound.
🥭 WOOLWORTHS’ IMPORTED MANGO PRICES ARE CRAZY
Woolies is at it again. A screenshot of two imported mangoes for R159.99 broke the internet and possibly a few trust funds.
Why we’re all clutching our pearls:
That’s R80 per mango. Are they sprinkled with diamond dust? Fed by hand?
Yes, they’re out-of-season imports from Brazil. But at that price, they should come with a personal sommelier.
South Africans on X were not having it. The audacity, indeed. Just wait for summer, people.
✉️ KPMG EMPLOYEE GOES VIRAL OVER ‘RAPTURE’ EMAIL
A junior accountant at KPMG decided company-wide email was the best channel to predict the end of the world. Attached: a 173-page PDF. Obviously.
Why this is peak 2025:
Mahlatse Letoka warned colleagues the Rapture was imminent on Sept 23-24. Hope you’re reading this, Mahlatse!
KPMG’s response was a masterclass in corporate damage control: “unauthorised… does not reflect the firm’s values.” Understatement of the year.
She’s now a TikTok sensation. Because when your corporate email blunder goes global, you might as well lean in.
💎 Hidden Gems
🍙 CAPE TOWN GETS ITS FIRST JAPANESE KONBINI POP-UP
Forget your corner cafe, Kloof Street is getting a slice of Tokyo with Kloof Konbini. The brains behind How’s Your Oni are bringing bento boxes, onigiri, and sandos to the masses. (Opening in October hopefully)
The Vibe: Imagine grabbing a perfect triangle of rice wrapped in seaweed without a 14-hour flight.
The Damage: Every meal under R200. My wallet just breathed a sigh of relief.
The Catch: It’s a pop-up. So get there before it vanishes like a ninja.
🍳 BREAKFAST AND BRUNCH SPOTS TO TRY
Norfolk Deli (Sea Point): The neighbourhood spot where you can order “Fire Eggs” for spice lovers or the “Birthday Cake” if you want the whole shop to sing to you. A mood.
Starlings (Claremont): A hidden Victorian cottage with a secret garden. Their eggs Benedict or berry-stacked French toast is the perfect escape from the city bustle. Weekend queues are a given.
Kiosk (Gardens): Part general store, part deli, all awesome. Avocado toast, granola, and later in the day, ‘pizza sandwiches’ from a wood-fired oven. A one-stop-shop for good living.
🍰 SWEET TOOTH PLACES
Coco Safar (Sea Point): This is where luxury and dessert have a baby. Macarons, handcrafted chocolates, and pastries so beautiful you’ll feel fancy just holding the box.
The Creamery: The answer to your late-night waffle or hot-cookie-with-ice-cream prayers. Their monthly flavours (think popcorn or jam & scones) are always a delicious surprise.
✨ Looking for somewhere to go right now?
Try our What To Do Now app for instant suggestions based on your mood. (Free)
✈️ Ready to Escape Cape Town?
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🌬️ What’s Happenin’
✨ Want your event featured in Cape Town Brew? Secure a top spot here
FRIDAY 26TH SEPTEMBER
🎶 Jazz Alley
Smooth live sets at a rooftop-style venue.
🎭 SMOKESHOW
The Outlore brings an edgy, immersive theatre night.
😂 Phil de Lange Headlines Grounded Comedy
Cape Town funny man takes centre stage.
🎶 Kimtjie & Friends
Grooves till late at The Athletic Club & Social.
🎶 Desmond Tutu United 4 Humanity Concert
Big names unite for a cause.
SATURDAY 27TH SEPTEMBER
🎨 Spring Botanical Embroidery Workshop
Learn intricate stitches inspired by blooms.
🎭 TEDxUCT Main Event
Ideas, innovation, and inspiration.
🎶 Strings Festival 2025
Orchestral afternoon at Hugo Lambrechts.
🍷 Cooler Box Music Fest
BYO vibes + bands in Oude Molen Eco Village.
🎭 The Yaadt Paati: Spring Edition
Heritage, food, and party vibes.
SUNDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER
🎸 The Boxer The Ring (Live)
Indie-rock meets raw energy — catch the band lighting up Big Bay.
🎶 Mendelssohn’s Elijah
Epic choral performance.
🎥 OUTSIDER – Freud Screening
Indie cinema vibes.
🎶 Albert Frost Intimate Show
SA blues guitar great in Misty Cliffs.
MONDAY 29TH SEPTEMBER
🎭 Beter Saam / Better Together
School showcase at Jack van Renen Hall.
👧 Matilda – The Mzanzi Remix
South African spin on the Roald Dahl classic.
TUESDAY 30TH SEPTEMBER
🔥 Fireside Sessions at Annandale Wines
Acoustic music, wine, and cozy vibes in Stellenbosch.
🌍 International Food Evening
A world tour for your taste buds — no passport required.
🕺 HSD Revue
Durbanville high’s big stage night.
🎭 After Hours Film Festival 7
Cult classics till late.
WEDNESDAY 1ST OCTOBER
🎤 Leah Live
Pop sensation lights up Durbanville.
🎶 Steve Newman Intimate Show
Acoustic legend by the sea.
😂 Social Comedy Night 4.0
Laughter guaranteed.
🎶 FLAVA R&B / Hip Hop Party
Beats, cocktails, and dancefloor energy.
THURSDAY 2ND OCTOBER
🎧 Amy Wiles (Anjuna / UK) + Dean Fuel & more
International beats meet local legends at HALO.
🎶 Wesley Paulse Solo Show
Cape Town’s rising voice live in an intimate setting.
🎸Mike Borgia Live
Acoustic vibes in the city with the US singer-songwriter.
🤔 Topic of the Week
Where Can I Swim Without Getting Eaten?
A Redditor dropped a very Cape Town question this week: “I used to swim 3–4 times a week, way out where only my head was above water. Haven’t gone in two years, but now all I see are shark videos. Where can I safely swim and not get eaten?”
The thread blew up with advice (and a few jokes):
The Numbers Game: Only 28 recorded shark attacks in Cape Town since 1960, most involving surfers or spearfishers. Statistically, driving to the beach is riskier.
Orcas vs Great Whites: Since the infamous Port & Starboard orcas showed up, great white sightings dropped massively. These two literally eat shark livers for breakfast.
Safe Spots: Locals swear by tidal pools (Muizenberg, St James, Cape Point), Windmill Beach, Seaforth, and Fish Hoek (which even has a shark net + spotters).
Perspective: One user put it bluntly you’re more likely to get hit by a cow, trampled by an elephant, or mugged on land than chomped in the water.
Wild Card: Some said forget the sharks, it’s the sewage you should be worrying about.
Bottom line? Sharks aren’t out to get you. If you want to dip back in, stick to tidal pools, group swims, and shark-spotter beaches. Or, as one commenter put it: “A pool.”
👉 So, Capetonians where’s your go-to safe swim spot?
📊 How Was the Newsletter This Week?
That’s it for this week’s pour. If you’re dodging R80 mangoes, planning your tidal pool dip, or catching a gig in Misty Cliffs, stay safe, stay curious, and stay caffeinated.
See you next Thursday, same chaos, new stories.
☕🍷 Team CPT Brew
