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Hey Brew,
Cape Town’s serving drama this week like a barista with a vendetta. Between diplomatic shade-throwing, airborne tantrums, and a floral kingdom flexing on the global stage, it’s been a week. Oh, and let’s not forget the animal rescue crew knee-deep in floodwater. Buckle up, buttercup.
Here’s the tea (and a splash of drama):
🏛 “Very Good Meeting” or Diplomatic Disaster?
🐶 TEARS Flooded: Cape Storms Hit Hard
✈️ FlySafair’s R100k “No-Fly” Passenger
🏆 Cape Flora Wins Gold (Again): Chelsea’s Obsessed
Let’s first thank this week’s sponsor:
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Now let’s dive in:
🗞️ The Headlines
🏛 Trump & Ramaphosa: Diplomatic Tango or Tinder Ghosting?
Ramaphosa called their chat “frank and forward-looking” (read: Trump didn’t fall asleep). Meanwhile, the EFF’s flipping tables, calling it a “disgrace” and planning a protest at the US Consulate.
✔️ Why We’re Side-Eyeing:
Ramaphosa: “Trump was respectful.”
EFF: “He’s selling us out for a handshake and a Big Mac.”
Analysts: “Is this diplomacy or a Real Housewives reunion?”
→ Best Quote:
“Shaking hands with Trump is like hugging a cactus—someone’s gonna bleed.” — @PoliticalRoast
✈️ FlySafair’s R100k “No-Fly” Zone
A passenger went full Snakes on a Plane (sans snakes) on FA600, forcing an emergency landing in Bloemfontein. Now he’s banned and footing a R100k bill.
✔️ Why We’re Cackling:
Video evidence: Dude shouted “POLICE!” after getting cable-tied by a fellow passenger.
FlySafair: “Thanks for the free in-flight entertainment, sir.”
Us: “Imagine explaining this to your mom.”
→ Best Reaction:
“R100k? That’s 666 croissants from Norfolk Deli. Priorities, people.” — @CapeChaos
🐶 TEARS in the Rain: Floods Hit Animal Rescue
Cape storms turned TEARS Animal Rescue into a waterpark nobody asked for. They’re begging for sandbags, blankets, and R300k for drainage.
✔️ Why We’re Heartbroken:
NSRI heroes: Pumping water like it’s Day 1 of Noah’s Ark.
TEARS: “Our dogs are paddling, not prancing.”
You: Adds “donate” to tomorrow’s to-do list (right after “buy oat milk”).
🏆 Cape Flora to Chelsea: “Hold My Fynbos”
SA’s Cape Floral Kingdom just bagged gold at the Chelsea Flower Show—again. Leon Kluge’s display used 25,000 fynbos stems. Eat your heart out, Kew Gardens.
✔️ Why We’re Smug:
Judges: “It’s like the Karoo met the Amazon. But chicer.”
Kluge: “We’re basically plant influencers now.”
You: Googling “fynbos bouquet” for wedding inspo.
💎 Hidden Gems & Local Legends
🌴 Aruba on Kloof: Vacation Mode Activated
New kid on the block Aruba is serving Mediterranean-Caribbean tapas with a side of “why aren’t you on holiday?” Try the coconut gnocchi or the spicy pineapple dessert (warning: it’s a spicy plot twist).
✔️ Why We’re Obsessed:
Sangria Sundays: Oysters + steel drum bands = instant island vibes.
Owner quote: “We built the spot we’d daydrink at.” Same, king.
📍 Beach, please: 108 Kloof Street | Tue-Sun 12pm–midnight
🔥 Vuur: Where Steak Meets Pyromania
Stellenbosch’s Vuur just ranked 87th best steakhouse globally. Chef Shaun Scrooby cooks with six types of wood because gas is for amateurs.
✔️ Why We’re Drooling:
7-course menu: “It’s like MasterChef, but you don’t have to cry on TV.”
Quote: “Our flames have more personality than your Tinder matches.”
📍 Burn calories here: Remhoogte Wine Estate | Dinner Wed-Sun
🥐 C’est La Vie: Fish Hoek’s French Fix
Two locations: one for sourdough stans, one for post-beach milkshakes. Their croissants are so flaky, they’ll make you forget your ex’s texts.
✔️ Why We’re Carb-Loading:
Pro tip: Grab a toasted sarmie before Jager’s Walk. Trust us.
Vibe: “French Riviera meets Tannie Maria’s kitchen.”
🥧 Rosemead Bakery: Yzer’s Worst-Kept Secret
Anli and Brett’s pasteis de nata sell faster than Loadshedding schedules. Get there early or cry into your supermarket croissant.
✔️ Why We’re Queueing:
Olive sticks: “Like a breadstick, but fancier.”
Vibe: “Strangers Things but for carbs.”
📍 Carb heist: Corner Park & Volstruis St | Wed-Sun
📣 Wanna Put Your Biz in Front of Thousands?
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🎧 Live Music & Entertainment
Friday, May 23
🍻 BeerEx Africa 2025 @ Makers Landing, V&A Waterfront
The continent’s biggest beer expo brings brewers, food pairings, exclusive launches, and the African Beer Cup under one roof. Come thirsty.
🎤 Kujenga Early Show @ The Athletic Club & Social
Neo-soul meets Afro-jazz in an intimate, stylish setting. Smooth vibes guaranteed.
🎶 Annual Orchestras Concert @ Hugo Lambrechts Music Centre
A night of symphonic elegance with rising stars. Classical fans, take note.
Saturday, May 24
⚽ Cape Town City vs Stellenbosch FC @ DHL Stadium
It’s Cape derby day! The final game of the season brings coastal fire vs winelands grit. Bring the gees.
🍷 Die Burger Wynfees @ Meerendal Wine Estate
Award-winning wines, lush lawns, snacks, brews, and a lucky draw. Your perfect Cape Winelands day out.
🧑🍳 Kleftiko Cooking Class & Luncheon @ Mountain Rd
Learn to slow-cook Greek lamb like a yiayia. Includes lunch + vibes.
Sunday, May 25
🎸 RockSteady Rocks Out @ Woodstock Brewery
Craft beer and timeless rock anthems—your Sunday just got louder.
🖼️ Paint & Sip: Karaoke Edition @ Selective Live
Wine + canvas + karaoke mic = chaos. Good chaos.
🌍 AFROHICAN – Africa Day Celebration @ Mama Africa
Hosted by Odidiva. Expect fashion, music, and all the GEES.
Monday, May 26
🎼 University of Michigan Symphony Orchestra @ Hugo Lambrechts
Orchestral magic from across the Atlantic. Youthful energy, world-class talent.
✍️ Creative Writing Classes @ Studio 26, Muizenberg
For artists and entrepreneurs—get those ideas onto the page in a chill coastal setting.
Tuesday, May 27
🎭 Open Mic Poetry @ Selective Live
Raw talent and real emotion in one of Cape Town’s best poetry spaces.
🎶 Fire Pilots @ Cape Point Vineyards
Unplugged sunset performance with vineyard views = bliss.
🏴☠️ Treasure Island @ The Masque Theatre
Ahoy, matey! A swashbuckling stage adventure for the whole family.
Wednesday, May 28
🎷 Bheki Khoza @ The Athletic Club & Social
Jazz, soul, and funk meet in one of Cape Town’s classiest clubs.
🎭 Layla @ Kalk Bay Theatre
A new theatre gem—powerful story, captivating acting, seaside vibes.
→ Book now
📚 Ronit Ghose’s Future Money Book Launch @ Innovation City
Crypto, AI, and money decoded by Citi’s global finance lead.
Thursday, May 29
🎸 Billy Raffoul & Boushle G — Day 2 @ Selective Live
The first night sold out—so they’re doing it again. Raw vocals, universal stories, and melodies that stick in your chest like a breakup text.
😁 Phil de Lange: The Phil Monty Preview @ Ground Culture
Before he hits Edinburgh Fringe, catch Phil’s ukulele-fueled midlife spiral in Observatory. It’s comedy, it’s therapy, it’s WhatsApp politics.
🎤 Bok van Blerk Live @ HEROES Brackenfell
The legend himself hits Brackenfell with all the bangers—from “De La Rey” to your favourite braai-side anthems. Bring the gees, leave the politics at home.
😂 Meme of the Week
When you're just trying to vibe but Cape Town’s unmarked GTIs got other plan.
Got a meme that captures Cape Town’s wild spirit?
Tag it on Instagram or Reddit with #CPTBrew for a chance to be featured in next week’s edition.
Alright Brew, that’s your weekly dose of Mother City madness. From cable-tied passengers to fynbos flexing, Cape Town’s never boring.
Shoutout to the NSRI heroes, pastry hustlers, and everyone not getting banned from flights this week. You’re the real MVPs.
Got a gem, a rant, or a spicy meme? Hit reply. We’re here for it.
~ The CPT Brew Team ☕🌍
P.S. Don’t forget to hug a soggy doggo this week. 🐾
