Hey {{first_name | Brew}} ,
Cape Town’s out here dropping a R600m mall inside a casino — because nothing screams “family fun” like blackjack and bulk cucumbers.
Bo-Kaap’s quarry’s getting a facelift too: they’re swapping “illegal dwellings” for “multi-use precinct” (translation: slap on some turf and pretend it’s heritage-friendly). Oh, and climate change is still casually wrecking our food supply.
Mealie meal’s up 30%. But don’t worry — there’s always Froot Loops and ice cream burgers.
Here’s the lineup:
🏢 A casino-mall combo, Bo-Kaap’s bureaucratic makeover, food prices punching us in the gut
💎 Truth’s steampunk temple, Vortex’s burger chaos, and boujee braais in the wild
🥊 MMA hits Cape Town, auroras light up the sky, and your cereal gets existential
📅 Weekly Hitlist: Paint highs, open mics, comedy legends & Father’s Day feasts
Let’s dive in:
🥇 Our Chill Spot of the Month (Sponsored)
🍔 Vortex Shisha |📍66 Kloof Street, Gardens
You were just popping in for one shisha.
Now it’s 12am.
You're 3 cocktails deep, debating the best Doritos flavour with a stranger named Marco.
Welcome to Vortex.
✔️ Why We’re Hooked:
Great food. Proper shisha. Drinks that don’t break your bank. And a weekly lineup that keeps things loud, tasty, and weird in the best way.
Smash burgers half price every Tuesday (yes, their new ones too)
R5 buffalo wings Sundays & Wednesdays
2-for-1 pizzas every Monday
Top comedians every Tuesday night at 7.30pm, DJs on weekends, 3 areas to vibe (including the Red Room and a beer garden)
and tell ’em CPT Brew sent you
🗞️ The Headlines
🏢 GrandWest’s R600m Mall: Gambling Meets Groceries
Sun International’s building a 22,000m² shrine to retail inside our biggest casino. Nothing says "family fun" like supermarkets flanked by poker tables.
✔️ Why We’re Side-Eyeing:
Mervyn Naidoo (GrandWest GM): “Safe environment for evening shopping!”
Locals: “So… we’re teaching kids blackjack while buying broccoli?”
Us: R600m? That’s 13 million boerewors rolls. Hunger > high-stakes retail.
🥊 Cape Town Hosts Africa’s 1st Global MMA Brawl
The Professional Fighters League lands at GrandWest Arena July 19. Heavyweights, bantamweights, and undefeated Johnny Eblen vs. a Spaniard named “Costello.”
✔️ Why We’re Buying Earplugs:
“Featherweight AJ McKee vs. Khabib’s protégé? Yho.”
Us: “Finally, a sport where ‘Cape Flats delivery’ is a compliment.”
Where else can you sip MCC while someone’s nose explodes?
⛏️ Bo-Kaap Quarry: From Squatters to Soccer Moms
The Strand Street quarry’s ditching its “anti-social behaviour” rep for a “multi-use community precinct.” Translation: sports fields + tourist traps + parking lots.
✔️ Why We’re Skeptical:
Eddie Andrews (Deputy Mayor): “It’ll benefit generations!”
Ossie Shabodien (Ratepayers): “Will Bo-Kaap actually profit? Or just pose for brochures?”
Us: “Calling it now: R200 smoothies and ‘artisanal’ koeksister stalls.”
🌽 Climate Change vs. Food: 50% Farm Fail by 2050
Researchers say hotter temps and wild weather could halve SA’s crop yields. Mealies now cost 30% more. Cool cool cool.
✔️ Why We’re Panic-Buying Koeksisters:
Roscoe van Wyk (Stellenbosch Biz): “Low-income households spend 20% more on food!”
Us: “Also, malnutrition-chic is not a vibe. Pass the pap.”
→ Best Reaction:
“When your mealie meal bag needs a security escort.”
💎 Hidden Gems & Local Legends
☕ Cape Town’s HOLY TRINITY of Caffeine
Where coffee worship meets pastry perfection
1. Truth Coffee Roasting
Steampunk cathedral of bean devotion
✔️ Why we’re genuflecting:
Leather-clad baristas! A 1947 bio-diesel roaster named “The Colossus”! Sugar requests = sacrilege.
Vibe: “Mad Max meets barista monk in a century-old warehouse.”
Pro tip: Order the ‘Professor Jones’ blend. Feel the gears turn in your soul.
2. Origin
De Waterkant’s OG bean alchemist
✔️ Why we’re swirling our cups:
Kenyan Riakiberu hand-poured through a Hario V60? Ja. Brunch shakshuka so good, you’ll forgive Cape Town’s wind.
Vibe: “Warehouse-chic meets ‘I-take-my-brew-method-seriously’.”
Pro tip: Ask for the ‘Barista’s Choice’. Live dangerously.
3. Rosetta Roastery
Micro-roasted ninja hiding in the Silo District
✔️ Why we’re whispering:
Tiny outpost inside The Yard. Single-origin sips opposite Zeitz MOCAA’s art. Perfect for: Pretending you’re a connoisseur between gallery hops.
Vibe: “Where coffee minimalism meets maximum flavour.”
Pro tip: Order flat white. Double-tap the art. Instagram wins.
🔥 Veldt: Braai But Make It Boujee
Rooibos whiskey? Malva pudding martinis? Khoi-inspired art? All while flipping boerewors like a boss.
✔️ Why we’re here:
R45 braaibroodjie > R290 sushi. Fight me.
Vibe: Braai pitmaster meets cocktail wizard.
📍 Francolin Ave | Wed-Mon 12pm-9:30pm (Tues: meat coma)
🥣 Why So Cerious: Cereal + Toasted Ice Cream Burgers
Cape Town’s first cereal café. Imported Froot Loops, Oreo O’s, and ice cream burgers. Yes, you read that.
✔️ Why we’re sugared-up:
Cap’n Crunch + Karak tea = breakfast of champions. Or degenerates.
Pro tip: The ‘Cereal Killer’ burger: brioche + ice cream + existential regret.
📍 Long Street | Daily 7am-7pm (11pm on Sun-Wed? Why?)
📣 Wanna Put Your Biz in Front of Thousands?
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🎧 Live Music & Entertainment
Friday, 13 June
🎤 Jack Parow Live at Café Roux
SA’s favourite zef rapper brings the chaos to Noordhoek. Expect energy, caps, and pure Parow madness.
→ Café Roux, 6PM
🖌️ Puff n Paint at Rooftop 420
Canvas, clouds, and creativity. Spark up and splash out with this laid-back rooftop paint night.
→ Rooftop 420, Plumstead, 6PM
🎸 Southern Wild, Keanan Eksteen, Lost//Youth
If you like your music loud, local, and full of feelings — this triple-bill delivers.
→ District, 8PM
Saturday, 14 June
🪐 Open Night @ The Observatory
SAAO flings open the gates — bring your crush, spot some stars, pretend you understand telescopes.
→ South African Astronomical Observatory, 8PM
🎶 Bheki Khoza Trio Live
Jazz that hits the soul and melts your weekend worries — unplug, unwind, vibe.
→ Selective Live, 5PM
🫙 Creative Pottery Workshop: Jars Edition
Make a jar. Name it. Keep secrets in it. Your inner ceramicist awaits.
→ UK Emporium, 10AM
Sunday, 15 June
🥩 Father’s Day Lunch at Boschendal
A lush, countryside meal set among vineyards and mountains. Proper dad-core vibes.
→ The Retreat at Boschendal, 2PM
🎭 Sin and Salvation: The Story of Johnny Cash
Dark, redemptive, and drenched in twang — the life of Johnny Cash, live on stage.
→ Café Roux Noordhoek, 2PM
🎉 Youth Day Ball at Evol
Lace up your Docs — Cape Town’s iconic dive bar is throwing a party for the ages.
→ Evol, 7PM
Monday, 16 June
🎤 Poetry Open Mic: what if
A heartfelt space to share your “what ifs” and verse. Expect raw energy and catharsis.
→ The Barn, Woodstock Exchange, 2:30PM
⚽ 5-a-Side Soccer & Netball Tournament
Lace up for a day of community sports and Youth Day energy at Connaught Flats.
→ Cannaught Estate, 10AM
🎸 MONDAY’S CURE – Live Music at THoM
Your post-long-weekend detox via good drinks and even better live music.
→ The House of Machines, 6PM
Tuesday, 17 June
📚 “Becoming Good at Crises” Talk
Learn to stay calm when things fall apart — a practical book talk at The Book Lounge.
→ The Book Lounge, 5:30PM
🌳 Gardening with Indigenous Trees
Go full green-thumb and learn how to garden with native South African trees.
→ Babylonstoren, 2PM
🎤 Foreground Open Mic Night
Spoken word, songs, jokes — you never know what you'll get. Raw, unfiltered, local talent.
→ Ground Culture Cafe, 6PM
Wednesday, 18 June
🎸 Watershed Live at Café Roux
The acoustic rock legends are still going strong. Pull through for nostalgia, harmonies, and maybe a tear or two.
→ Café Roux Noordhoek, 6PM
🧠 How To Land Your First Data Job (No Degree Needed)
Break into data without the diploma flex — Le Wagon’s giving away the cheat codes.
→ Le Wagon Cape Town, 6PM
🧘♀️ Zen & Zest: Midweek Chill Sesh
Stretch it out, shake it off, and vibe into the second half of the week.
→ Soute Studio, 6PM
Thursday, 19 June
🎤 Barry Hilton Live
SA’s comedy uncle takes the mic — you already know the vibe: sharp, local, hilarious.
→ Ground Culture Café, 7:30PM
🎶 Cape Town’s Most Wanted @ Artscape
Top street dancers and performers show you why this city stays winning.
→ Artscape Theatre Centre, 7:30PM
🍷 Spek & Bone Wine Club: Journey's End Wines
A wine night so good it might ruin boxed wine forever.
→ Spek & Bone, Stellenbosch, 2PM
🖼️ Picture of the Week
“Cloud Kingdom” — shot from Gardens
→ Spotted on r/capetown — respect to the view
Captured with a Sony A7RV + 200-600mm lens, this moody snap of Devil’s Peak cloaked in mist has us asking: “Is this Cape Town or Mordor?”
🖼️ Got a pic you want to share? Just reply to this email.
Alright Brew,
That’s your dose of dystopian retail, climate dread, and cereal-based insanity.
Shoutout to the aurora chasers, quarry dreamers, and anyone who bought R29m views without checking the potholes first.
Spotted a hidden gem or events? Reply with coordinates. We pay in imaginary kelp margaritas.
~ The CPT Brew Team ☕
